A Humour Thread

[Accuracy]

GOVERNMENT HEALTH WARNING


DO NOT SWALLOW BUBBLE -GUM !!

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[Accuracy]

Prayer Wanted

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"
One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."

"Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."

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[Accuracy]

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[cloudgazer]

LOL do you ever make up your own songs as a joke? LIke making fun of a genre or band, or time period like 60s music.

My boyfriend and I were just making fun of 80s music randomly, haha:

my bf was singing "Right is right.......you're my baby tonight..... right is right..... you're my baby tonight"

HAHahah, I think it's so funny, and then we were like

"People are walking and people are flocking, and people are coming for me to be mocking"

Hehe, doesn't it sound like a lame 80s song? I guess you'd have to hear the way we were singing it too. Sing it to yourself in an 80s way and you'll see! LOL Anyone else do this?

[mad as a cat]

Have you heard of the new Tantric sex position?

It's known as 'The Plumber'

You stay in all day and nobody comes.

[mad as a cat]

Warning !!!!

I'm not usually one for posting warnings about potential scams but I
had a close miss last night. I walked into B&Q and some old guy
dressed in orange asked me if I wanted decking. Fortunately, I got the
first punch in and that was the end of that. Those less suspecting
might not be so lucky.

[Lydia78]

Here is a supposedly true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University.
It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale.

The following dialog ensued:

Proctor: I beg your pardon?

Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.

Proctor: Sorry, no.

Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale.

At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect,

and pointed to the section which read (rough translation from the Latin):

"Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale".

Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping away.

Three weeks later the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.

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“Please would you consider shutting down this domain as we are considering legal action. I believe that simply deleting the offending content will not resolve the matter, and that they will continue to post abuse” - Linda Atherton, representing David Icke Ltd in a legal notice of 'slanderous and libelous remarks' to our Hosting Company- Iro's Sig from Illusions:

http://illusionsforum.com/phpbb3/index.php?sid=5cbc9475d7183994e20a783791ec2a6e





Read about the Icke Pyramid of Power & decide for yourself:

http://infinitelove.freeforums.org/viewtopic.php?p=6397#6397

[Ant]

A little guy is sat at a bar, when all of a sudden a thug smacks him in the face and says "that's KUNG FU from Japan".

A bit later the thug smacks him again and says "that's KARATE from Korea"

The little guy gets up and leaves the bar. A short time later he comes back and smacks the thug - knocking him out cold, and says to the barman......
"When that bastard wakes up, tell him that was a fucking shovel from B&Q!"

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[mad as a cat]

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade
name and generic name.
For example, the trade name of *Tylenol* also has a
generic name of *Acetaminophen*.
*Aleve* is also called *Naproxen*.
*Amoxil* is also called *Amoxicillin* and *Advil* is also called *Ibuprofen*.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for *Viagra*. After careful
consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of:

*Mycoxafloppin*.


Also considered were:

Mycoxafailin,

Mydixadrupin,

Mydixarizin,

Dixafix, and of course->

Ibepokin.


Pfizer Corp announced today that Viagra will soon be
available in *liquid form*, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a
soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink".
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of:

MOUNT &DO.


Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely *no* recollection of what to do with them.

[angelicangel]

Did you hear about the man who got his Viagra tablet stuck in his throat?
He had a stiff neck for 12hours.